About being change...

I just came from my lower secondary school's reunion at my long lost friend's home, Ino. There was around 40 people came there...Ino whom currently studying in Melbourne is having a school's holiday, so he decided to came back to indonesia and organised a school's reunion. we gathered outside the house (tepatnya di pendopo yg cukup luas dimana sebelahnya terbentang kolam renang yg cukup luas juga disitu) anyways it was a cozy home to create such gathering party or reunion...:)

Since i graduated from BM 400 (the name of my lower sec shool), my family and I decided to move out abroad.(we followed my uncle who was the ambassador at that time) so we went straight up after i graduated. i guess, many of my friends didnt realize that i suddenly disseapeared ( it's becoz i didnt have time to make any farewell party or anything like that). everything happened all of sudden.
and since that time, i never ever met nor get in touch with many of my long friends (except my friends who are in the same university) so it has been almost 6 years long that we havent reunited.

To be honest, my emotional attachment to my long friends from BM, wasnt that intense. especially 6 years ago, i can say i was abit introvert and only being friends with sum people (i think i always had this kind of negative thoughts toward people surrounds me) as a result i always draw a borderline between me and my friends... i know it was really awful... being introvert, close-minded, picking friends and those kind of negative attitude has given a terrible impact of my life, and i am so REGRET it...

So, i heard about this school's reunion from my clasmate who came from the same school too. honestly i was kinda afraid to be involve in it (it's becoz of the fact that i had not very good memmories bout the school). but well, i thought it was a chance to get in touch with them again. if it's not now, then it's never...

The school's reunion went nice. there were not many physical change in them. i heard some good stories and the bad one. there is one friend who was very popular and even awarded as the most handsome boy at the school, is now going to rehability centre for drugs. but the others who have better luck are now studying abroad.
it is all about change

Many of my friend didnt recognize me, they said that i have changed a lot (do I?)many people said, i am thinner and the others r not saying anything but the "suprising" gesture could easily tell me... hehe
if i look at my self, i guess the most essential thing that change me isn't how is the latest appeareance of me nor how i dressed in front of people nor the physical appeareance it show towards people around me

Yet, as time passes by and as i am growing older, have a thought dat bein change is about changing a perspective, a belief, a faith towards ourselves and towards the world around us.
so here's the story... since i came back from Finland i always believe that I am always as good as others and that the world could only change me to be a better person. and nothing else. maybe from that basic thought, it affected to my appearance, and to my entire life

When i met my old friends, there are regret feeling about wasting my past time for no bestfriend, or about letting my self lost in touch with them and about being emotionally unattached from what i had

I really hope that someday i can meet them again, maybe start everythin form a zero point will be nicer than regreting moments with nothing to do.
i guess talking about the present time,having a good time with friends, enjoying every moments with them, fulfilling life with kindness surrounds, or sharing positive things wth others will always be worthed at least those are the best way to prevent the future's regret feelings...

And Life is about being change to something deeper and meaningful

A little perspective about.......

it's been along time since i havent update my blog... it's not that it's Ramadhan so that i'm too lazy to move my lazy ass to the computer, nor that i have no idea what to write either (the ideas always there, but everytime i sat in front of the computer and decided to express it, my mind just got me BLANK ...) lately i found my self unfocus with other things but my exam...(or even i cant concentrate on that either... huhu) i guess my mind just loaded with too much of informations or inputs or hell u call it... but thank god it's over now

hmmm few minutes a go i just opened my friendster. i was pretty shocked to kno that since october 1st my profile has been viewed 751 times, and there was about 64 people added me to their friends list since almost a week ago! and suprisingly i've never know nor met not single one of them in the real life... suddenly my mind starts questioning " so this is how people can easily have friends fully loaded in their account? so, this is the easiest way to create the 2nd, 3rd, 4th account and so on...? just simply add "unknown people". put them in the friends list and then after that all u got is... cyber social status?
hehe i think that's a bit funny, aint it?

just flashed a thought that the cyberworld ain't very different than the real world. the only thing distinguish it is the physical existance it self. in the real life, we could simply approach popular crowd to get us "popular" or approach rich people and we suddenly become so "well-heeled"?

in the end both ways (the cyber and the real) aim to pursue a social respect which directed to the search of social status. we are what our friends like, infact, for me social status is just an absurd concept which only others can value

it's not very bad... but doesnt it feel fake sometimes when u realize that there are sum unknown people in your friends list and u never even know nor get in touch with them at all? i have sum "friends" i hardly know added in my account... often, when i feel it's useless or unmeaningful... i just erased them up from my account... forgive me please... but really what's the point of having it in your friends list? (although sumtimes i'll still let few "out-of-nowhere friends" still hangin in my account hehe) really no offense

so now what am doing is? hmmmmm u can easily guess... i just dont want to be bothered with all kinds of cyber social status... maybe i fed up enough to face things like that in the real life... hell with it...