Rise

I'm sitting in front my computer, the Gabrielle's song "Rise" currently playin on my winamp while i am eating a toast of bread with butter and chocolate inside. my head is still searchin 4 an inspiration to come ahead... so that i can free my mind and throw my thoughts to a piece of post hehe

The last time i listen to this song was probably a very very long time ago... an inspiring song about a woman who try to get up and rise again after a deep break up with her boyfriend.

I put this song on top of my list when i broke up with my ex boyfriend... it's pretty sad if i remember that again. i always hate breakin up kinda thing. for whatever the reasons are. besides that, i also listened to this song repeatedly when i struggled to past the high school, and became uncertain about everything on my way

I remember the time in high school when i took a Cambridge Programme. there were 3 major subjects that i took. English, Psychology , and Art. my favorite subject was actually Art. the teacher (named: Paresh from India-Uk) seemed to be the best teacher i've ever had. he courage his students and also being a best friend 4 them. Paresh care about whomever pay the attention most in his class. he cared about students whom he consider as diligent students (even if the students are not very good in art, he always appreciate "willings and courage")
yet, the fact that the subject was quiet hard and needed huge efforts never crossed my mind...

In the final examination, we supposed to choose any theme that we must conclude in our huge work. so i choosed "My Wishes And Dreams" as my theme.
there were at least 16 pieces of A4 papers must be related to the theme. (and it wasn't including the final painting). The work must be created by using different materials such as oils, acrylics, pastels, crayons, plants, and even trashes as part of collage. i spent every single day of the month by sketching, drawing, painting and throwing the whole ideas that ran to my mind onto the papers...

I remember it was April-June 2003 i was so stressed about all the pressures came ahead. the dead line for the whole art's work was about a month. what i thought was if i failed one subject, then, the Cambridge Certificate would just Gone with the wind! it means it would be impossible for me to graduate from high school that year.

While that time i was faced by 2 different options which i knew it would create the greatest impact of my life; whether i should stayed and struggled in Finland with my brother (To continue the study in high school which i predicted to be failed and started to take freelances) or came back to Indonesia with my parents (with the risk of goin back to high school, following "Ebtanas" and doing the same thing all over again during the year).
each options had its risks and consequences. the fears of "wat was going to happened" always running through my mind. i lived in such uncertainity and depressing situation where i had to decide which direction should i take to fulfill my wishes and dreams.

As time goes by, i realized that God always has the greatest willing and that he always give the best reasons out of everything.. i came to Indonesia, pass all the three subjects, (finished the high school in 2 years even though the grade wasnt qualified enough hehe), and succesfully went straight to university that year...things were just thankfully got better..

Back to the song...this song, reminds me of that moment where things seemed to be unclear and frustrating... that stressful life event where there seemed to be no light surrounded. a situation where the future seemed to be blurry and uncertain

This song, reminds me of the art theme i took "My Wishes and Dreams", reminds me of my broken expectations wth my ex .. this song reminds me of how god always stood beside me everytime i needed him, how he took care of me even when i was weak, how he helped me to pick up the broken pieces, how i struggled to stand up and started to build up the new life.

This song reminds me of how the destiny leads me to better life, how the miracles could actually happen anytime, how god had always been very kind to anyone who believes on him, how i fell and how he helped me to rise again...:)